Wednesday, April 26, 2006

A Publication of



Section A - Headline News & Current Events
Section B - Lighter Side & Entertainment
Section C - Editorials & Personals


Local Women Grace Cover of National Magazine

Dolores Vallone of Henrietta and Stephanie Vallone of Hilton share the honor of headlining recent covers of the national cooking magazine, "American Gourmet".  The May issue highlights gourmet pie recipes that won top honors in a taste testing contest, while the June issue discusses unusual baking disasters.  The women are both proud to have made culinary history!




Webster Man Seeks Help With Recurring Nightmares

A Webster man is seeking professional help for the treatment of recurring nightmares.  The man, who wishes to remain anonymous, claims he wakes up in a cold sweat every night with a racing heart and pounding head.  The dreams always seem to have a common theme, that of being helpless and frustrated.  The dreams always culminate in an overwhelming feeling of panic that accompanies a strange visual hallucination.  Recently, the patient was tested on the newest equipment at the state-of-the-art Nightmare Research Institute ("N.R.I.") of Webster, NY.  The test begins as doctors attach special video probes to the patient's electro-magnetic pulse centers of the cranial region.  The probes are linked to a computer network that can interpret the electrical pulses and translate them into video images that relay to the doctors the actual dream images that are disturbing the patient during a dream episode.  At the point when the patient's heart rate and body temperature climb sharply, indicating that the nightmare is underway and a visual stimulus is disturbing the patient's sub-consciousness, a video image is captured by the test equipment and the patient is awakened before cardio arrest is induced.  This amazing technology can often produce a video image that is clear enough so that, after the testing, the patient can usually identify the subject of the image!  Results of this test indicate that the man is suffering when one particular image is formed in his mind.  Through the kind cooperation of the Nightmare Research Institute, we have been able to obtain a copy of the startling video image produced by this state-of-the-art medical testing.



Startling test image produced by new equipment
at the Nightmare Research Institute in Webster, NY




New Tell-All Diary Reveals Amy's Secret Thoughts

"Fragmented Thoughts from a Gypsy Girl"

(Excerpts from Amy's Diary)

Available soon at a bookstore near you.

02/03/01    Today the cat ate my flowers.  She likes pretty flowers!  She puked all over the dining room carpet.  I tried to tell Don that she just had a little fever or something, but he saw all of the chewed-up flower petals when he was cleaning up the slimy, brown puddles of vomit and he insisted that was the reason she threw up.  Don was so angry that he wanted to get rid of poor little Autumn then and there.  He yelled at her and told her she was bad!  He wanted her go down to the basement for punishment.  I donít know how he can be so cruel at a time when the kitty just needs extra hugs and cuddles because she is not feeling well!  I think I will have to take her to visit her Grandma for a few days until Don learns to deal rationally with the permanent orange and brown stains on the brand new white carpet.  I think I will let her sleep on Donís bed pillow until she is feeling better. 

02/05/01    The cat found more flowers around the house to eat.  I know the flowers make her sick, but you can't have a house without fresh flowers everywhere!  Her little face is so cute as she vomits again from eating the poison plants.  She is a very clean animal, though.  When she is done regurgitating, she licks the drippings from her whiskers.  I have to give her a big kiss on the mouth for being such a good clean kitty.  I donít know why, but Don hardly ever buys me flowers.  So, I just go out and buy my own flowers!  I guess Iíll need another bouquet!

02/07/01    Today I wore my new pink sweater for the first time.  It is one of Don's favorites because he thinks it makes me look cute and sexy.  While cuddling with the cat at the breakfast table, she latched her claws into the sweater and pulled some long threads.  My sweater is ruined and covered with dark cat hairs now, but it will remind me all day at work how adorable my kitty can be when she gets full of the devil in the morning!  I don't understand why Don gets frustrated - Sweaters are just material objects and can be replaced like the furniture and the carpet (and hopefully all of Don's antiques).  I will go buy some more new sweaters again tonight!

02/08/01    This morning, the cat followed me into the bathroom.  She wanted to play with her mommy!  I was hugging her when Don walked in.  He got mad when he saw cat hairs covering his bath and face towels and some sticking to his wet toothbrush.  He told me that there are some rooms of the house that an animal just doesn't belong in!  I don't understand why he is so unreasonable.  Our daughter just needs attention and love, and she wants to be near us all of the time.  Don doesn't understand that yet, so I suggested that he go for some therapy.

02/12/01    Today, Don came home from work to find all of the dishes, food, and mail from the kitchen shelf strewn across the floor and covered with cat hair.  Autumn is the most playful kitty I've ever known!  Most other cats just lay around all day and sleep - but Autumn is full of life!  We are so lucky to have a cat like Autumn, because she amuses me so much.  Don would rather keep her confined to the basement, but if she is down there she can't nap on the kitchen table and look out into the backyard.  The windows in the basement are too small to provide a panoramic view of the neighborhood for Autumn to enjoy.  Don irrationally claims that it is "unsanitary" to allow an animal that walks around in its own feces and never gets groomed to use the kitchen as a playroom and walk around on our food and clean dishes.  I think it is cruel and inhumane to keep our daughter out of the kitchen.  I am very upset.  He yelled at Autumn and will not even apologize to her!

02/13/01    Don gathered the trash and set it next to the door to take out with him when he left for work.  When he returned to the kitchen with his coat, there were holes clawed into the bags and a trail of chewed leftovers and bloody meat scraps across the kitchen floor!  I wish I could have taken a picture of Autumn just then!  She must have been adorable hiding in the corner with garbage clinging to her little chin.  Don does not appreciate the simple pleasures that a cat can bring to your life.

02/14/01    Today was Valentine's Day.  I came home to find that Don had left work early to create a romantic atmosphere to celebrate our special evening together.  A fire was roaring in the fireplace and the coffee table was pulled up close to the fire for a cozy dinner with candles, wine, and our favorite Thai dish!  He bought me fresh flowers and a balloon with a romantic message.  But, would you believe that he put the cat in the basement for the evening!  I was outraged!  He "claimed" that he wanted the two of us to spend the evening ALONE with each other so that we could devote all of our attention to each other!  I can't believe how selfish he is.  Sure, I wanted Don to be with us on Valentine's Day, that's not the point.  The point is, that HE didn't care if the poor cat spent the whole holiday in a dark basement.  Valentine's Day is a time to spend with the one's you love the most, and all I wanted was to spend some quality time with my kitty that I didn't see all day!  I was so outraged at Don's insensitivity that I let the cat up so she could play with my flowers and balloon and enjoy the holiday with me.

02/24/01    Don was choking and gasping for air again today.  He "claims" that he can't breath at times, but I know he is just play acting when he turns blue and makes strange gagging noises when the cat gets near him.  This time he even went as far as to hold his throat and chest and say that it felt like everything was closing up on him.  Don has been playing this "game" now ever since we got the cat, but I don't think it is very funny.  He just has to learn to relax and not let the infestation of airborne cat hairs that he is breathing into his lungs bother him.  He needs to realize that its just "all in his head".  He is going to the doctor next week.

02/27/01    Don went to the doctor today.  Now, he even has his doctor playing along with his little "charade"!  His doctor told him that he has asthma now and he has to use an inhaler medication and stay away from the cat.  I will make sure that he finds a new doctor, preferably a woman!





Visit Autumn's Web Pages and Revel in the Sickness!


               Don & Amy's pet cat, Autumn, now has her very own web pages!  Autumn has been busy modeling for the camera.  Don't miss her latest photo shoots.  You can still  see her Fall Fashion Show plus enjoy all of the new photos taken recently, especially Autumn's new GLAMOUR SHOT on Autumn's Page.  Dig your way through Autumn's litter box and see what's new in Autumn's world!  Autumn's Christmas is even documented in a charming photo essay!  You won't believe it until you see it all!